


Five Stages

by MamaKrolia



Series: SpaceMom's Honor Roll [5]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/M, Gift Fic, Heavy Angst, Minor Character Death, One Shot, Tex x Krolia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 11:31:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18164642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MamaKrolia/pseuds/MamaKrolia
Summary: Prompt: Ooooo um i want some angst to sooth my angsty heart / Just some voltron angst / Go as angsty as u can!~~~This fic is a fan-interpretive extension of the very brief scene from Razor's Edge (S6,E2) of Voltron, in which we see Krolia discovering the death of Keith's father, while Keith sleeps beside her. As an avid Krolia enthusiast, what else would I do but torture her, by delving deeper into the processes I imagine she would go through upon learning that returning to her lover is no longer an option?~~~Installment number five, for "SpaceMom's Honor Roll" on Discord. Phoenix flashed me a pic of that "A" Honor Roll certificate, so you know it's going to be a good one!~~~Phoenix,We've barely spoken, but I love all of the Space Beans in our Space Fam very much. I am like super proud you're on "A" Honor Roll. That is not an easy feat. I have no doubt you will do great things in life. It shows you're dedicated to your studies and working hard, please never lose that mentality. Keep it up Space Kiddo!Love,SpaceMom





	Five Stages

**Author's Note:**

> This touches on a canon, minor character death and heavily delves into the stages and feelings of grief and mourning. This content may be triggering for some, proceed with that warning in mind.

Despite the seemingly endless journey through the Quantum Abyss showing glimpses of the past and future, nothing could have prepared Krolia for the world shattering vision that played around her. She’d seen many things that rested bittersweet within her, things she had sorrowfully missed that played for her like a lucid dream; Keith’s first steps, first words, first every things. Despite her remorse for leaving Keith and his father behind, and her wish for Tex’s happiness, she _was_ relieved to see that in her absence he did not bestow his love on another. Her selfish relief was halted when she was forced to look upon a scene she would never have allowed herself to imagine, her son, alone, at a gravestone with tears in his eyes. 

Krolia’s stomach lurched as her heart shattered into a million pieces, the pain in her chest encompassed her and she broke into a cold sweat. Anguish loomed over like a stifling shadow, locking every muscle in her body, which she had no desire to move. She clenched her jaw tightly, feeling as if her teeth would break beneath the pressure. Krolia was breathless for far too long, and once her breath found her again it was painful, and labored, and hardly provided the oxygen she required. The spinning in her head was maddening, and her ears rang among the heavy silence. Unable to process what she’d seen, every stage of grief filtered through her mind like a broken record, over and over again. 

Krolia denied that what she saw was true, and insisted to herself that maybe not every vision shown belonged to this reality, or was without flaw. She could not grasp that she would never see him again, and that her deep seeded dream of returning to him was forever shattered. She choked on her own breaths as she opposed every thought that ran through her head, such as the reality that she would never again kiss his lips, or feel his calloused fingers against her skin, or rest against him only to be lulled to sleep by the rhythmic beat of his heart.

Her anger with herself for leaving caused a pain to ripple through every fiber of her being, starting in her chest and expanding outward. The pain was electric, though it was not the same electricity she had felt when he touched her, or when he looked at her with admiration in his deep brown eyes. Her body felt charged in all the wrong ways, as if an electric shock had sent warning to her nerves, only seconds before her whole body was left tingling. She wanted to scream, though she found herself physically unable to do so as her body curled in on itself, in an attempt to alleviate the aching in her chest, and the passionate fire of rage that boiled within her.

Krolia blamed herself, arguing internally that if she’d have stayed her lover he would still be alive and her son would not have been forced to live a life without both of them in it. She blamed Tex, and knew that his death was self sacrificing, even without the details. She begged and plead that what she’d seen was wrong, or misunderstood. She silently prayed, unsure to who or what, and bargained for herself to be the one taken instead, as long as he could walk the Earth again. Despite her pleas, she knew they were in vain, and what was done could not be undone, but still, she repeated them for what seemed like hours.

The pain she’d felt dissipated into nothingness, and she allowed herself to lie down on her side, and curl into a ball, as she did her best to shrink and disappear. The numbing pain she’d previously felt in her body was welcome in comparison to the bottomless pit that seemed to fill her. It was as if there was a hole in her chest, and she could no longer feel anything at. In spite of the pain she’d already suffered through, she would have gladly welcomed it back to fill the chasm that smothered her. Tears began to fall, though it took her some time to notice, unsure of how they could well in her eyes or stain her cheeks if she had been so unfeeling. The pain in her chest returned, and though she’d thought it would be welcome among the stifling lack of sensation, she was wrong. 

Time was very different where she was, far different from even the most foreign of time zones, leaving ticks to feel like vargas, and vargas to feel like movements. The flashes within the abyss continued to show visions of the past and future, showing no mercy for a woman in the midst of her greatest grief and turmoil. Though some of the visions she’d seen had brought some rest to her guilt in regards to her son, such as seeing what he’d done for the universe and witnessing the amazing family he had made from himself, nothing could quell the despair she felt in regards to the loss of her love.

Krolia allowed herself to drift to sleep, hoping to stifle the torment, and was pleasantly surprised by the results. She dreamed of her lover, the way she’d remembered him, in every soft declaration of love he proclaimed for her, and in every rough unkempt edge of his appearance. It was more of an experience than a dream, as if his spirit had come to her in her hour of need to make peace and tie the loose ends together. She was able to say everything she wanted to, and the closure he gave was the truth, that even if she’d have stayed, he wouldn’t have done anything differently. Tex was a selfless man who risked his life as part of his profession, and he loved his work. If there was any way he would have wanted to lose his life “before his time”, it would be in place of someone else, to give them a chance to continue living their own. He was a stubborn man, and Krolia knew that. 

Though she still felt the sting of heartache as she woke, she felt oddly at ease, and accepted everything for what it was. Krolia did not claim a god or a creed, though she did strongly believe that everything in life had its own purpose and reason. As the journey through the abyss came to a close, the heartache ebbed as best it could and she gradually embraced the finality of her loss, a final vision flashed before her eyes. The future held victory, power, and surprisingly new love, with an old and trusted friend, though it held no promise that her heart would ever truly mend.

The thing about grief is that it never truly ends, it is an ever changing process. No one will ever truly be done mourning loss, however it gets better over time. Like physical wounds, the heart will heal, but it will never be the same. Scars are simply a reminder of what one has been through, and what they have overcome, but the memory will always remain, and the heart is no exception.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope that was an angsty enough prize for you. It ended up a little long, but this is what happens when I'm given creative liberties, and end up choosing one of my favorite characters, who significantly lacked in screen time. I hated writing this, just as much as I loved it, and I honestly I needed to get some of this pent up tension and sadness I've been holding in out, so thank you for prompting something that allowed me an outlet.
> 
> Keep rocking them "A"s!!! ♥


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